the rocky road of trying to find my way

I tried making a blog for a while and it seemed like it was all filled with negative crap. That isn’t what this blog is supposed to be about. It isn’t about me exactly. This blog is about overcoming shit. But in order for people to know that I understand the struggles of overcoming your shit… I feel like I have to share some of mine. So rather than post it all over the blog, I am going to try to let you all know some about me here. This might seem like a dark negative space. It is just my life.  I am not telling these things for attention or for pity… or for you to know how ignorant or stupid I have been. This is to say… if you made mistakes-I feel ya. No judgement here. I hope I get some of the same in return.

3 divorces, 2 children from marriage 1, one child from marriage 3

Anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADD, Agorophobia,

Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Morbid Obesity, Arthritis with bilateral total knee replacements, slipped discs in back and neck

So many of these its hard to know how to start. Divorce. Children living with their father. Parental kidnapping. Both parents passing away. Son in prison. Loss of ability to work. Loss of ability to interact with people.

Holy cow, this has to be one of the hardest things of all. I almost wrote “it is bad enough to let your self down but when we let down people we love, that is devastating”, and as soon as I wrote that, I realized-yeah its bad to let others down but we have to live with ourselves. When we let ourselves down-that is the worst betrayal and causes horrible guilt.

It wasn’t until I was 53 that I realized the impact that shame has had on my life. Thank you Brene Brown for your insightful books that helped me understand and accept myself.