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Month: November 2016

Terrified

I have lived a lot of my life terrified. I was terrified when my parents divorced. Then more terrified, even though I didn’t know it at the time, when my sister went to live with my dad and I was living with my mom and was alone most of the time. I was terrified when I had my first baby and I was in a state where I didn’t know anyone and my military husband was gone all of the time. I was terrified when I got divorced. I was terrified when I was in nursing school that I wouldn’t be good enough to pass and wouldn’t be able to support my children. I was terrified a lot when I was a nurse realizing that repurcussions from a mistake could have life threatening consequences. I was terrified with the oklahoma bombing, columbine shooting, Feeney murders, the 3 women disappeared from Springfield… 9/11. I was terrified after my car accident and when I couldn’t work any more. I was terrified caring for my mom as she died and still scared as I supported my dad when he died. I was terrified when my son went to prison. Life can be shitty. I am not saying it’s not. I know that the terror that people are feeling right now is real. Damn, I worry about gay and transgender people. I worry about...

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Too Sensitive

For most of my life I was told I was too sensitive and I believed it. Because of this there were years that I fooled myself and others into believing that I was the toughest person around and in some ways that is true. I am great in a crisis. I am there when people need me and I have a task to perform. It was other times, when I was watching the horrors of the world and there was nothing that I can do that I felt immobilized. Watching others not notice or care broke my heart. I...

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