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Month: December 2016

Second Sunrise

Today I saw my second sunrise of this week. Yesterday my son knocked on my bedroom door early in the morning and asked me to come see something. I had been reading and was taking my time and he held out his hand and said, “Come on, you are going to want to see this.” When I walked into our living room it seemed like it was glowing sort of pink and when I got to our patio doors I saw the loveliest sunrise. I thought about that off and on all day yesterday. Since yesterday was the winter...

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Loss

Death has always scared me. It wasn’t my own death that scared me but the thought of losing people I cared about. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t just death I had issues with. I hated goodbyes. When I was young and married to a military guy I didn’t deal well with it when he left and we didnt say goodbye. He would leave while I pretended to be asleep and kiss my cheek because he knew that I had such huge struggles with being alone. This was such an issue with me that I had actually told my mom that when she passed away that I wouldn’t go to her funeral. I imagined myself being one huge, hysterical mass that was unable to function. That stuff got a little ¬†better as I got older and became a nurse. When I was mid 30s one of my favorite patients died. He and I had become close and he called me his angel and said I was like part of his family and I sort of felt the same about him. When he died I wasn’t sad and that scared me. I figured I was in denial or shock or something but it didn’t wear off. I ended up taking an entire weekend trying to sort this out. Was I out of tough with my feelings? Maybe I...

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