With the thoughts of keepin it real here and showing the struggles I have been dealing with I figured I would post a reality check.

Its fun and easy to post a photo that I think is a fairly good shot of me and that is just my face. Or its easy to post something where I am dancing with a lovely person and half of my body is hidden. Those are my best moments and of course, those are what we are all used to seeing, and what we all want to share of ourselves.

There aren’t many images of my worst moments. I will try to dig some up sometime because I think they are important too. Years ago I weighed 339 pounds. I lost a lot of weight just by cutting out soda and fast food. Those were hard years for me and it showed. I didn’t look happy or healthy. I was seriously crippled up and needed a cane to walk-sometimes a walker. I had total knee replacements on both knees in 2007 and that made a huge difference in my life.  I had both knees done at the same time so, like many things, things got worse before they got better.

Even when the surgical pain got better, I still had serious shortness of breath and bad back and neck issues. The shortness of breath has gotten better. I couldn’t walk far and I was still so depressed and anxious that I wasn’t very functional. I have taken photos several times thinking… ok, this is the time-I am really going to do it now and I want to see where I started from. Sometimes I have made a little progress, other times not. The best I have done was in 2012 and I lost weight and had been working out at a gym and I got down to 252 pounds. At the beginning of this summer I was 290.

I had been trying to do yoga at home. Well it wasn’t exactly yoga but a modified version that I did in bed that was basically just sort of stretching. I did cobra/ cow and childs pose. It was really hard for me to get up and down off of the floor so I did it in bed. I still struggle with the floor but it is getting better.

I had decided that I didn’t want to measure my success by my weight loss. I had always heard that it is best to go by how your clothes are fitting. I haven’t really noticed a change. Usually that would really bother me and I would feel like I am wasting my time. I have been working hard on my diet and with yoga. While I hadn’t noticed a change in my clothes, here are some things I do notice. I can get up off of the toilet without using my hands. Granted I have a tall toilet for people with issues but even with that. I had to put my hand on the cabinet next to the toilet to help me stand up-or push on my knees. I recently noticed that I just popped right up with no help. I also realized that I had started putting my pants on from a standing position. That requires balance and some strength and I hadn’t been able to do that in a long time. I always had to sit on the side of the bed. And I noticed my posture is a little better. Its still pretty awful but its better and actually makes me look like I have lost weight.

So this morning I weight and I was surprised but over the summer I have lost 20 pounds. For a lot of people that would be a huge amount. I still have 100 pounds to go. to be within a healthy weight range. As before I don’t want to pay too much attention to that because everything that I do helps even if it doesn’t show up on the scale.

I find these photos interesting. They make me think. Surprisingly enough, they don’t depress the crap out of me but I am aware of some things. Like, my face is so red and broken out and that is part of why I am so self conscious sometimes. Surprisingly enough, my calves aren’t as swollen as usual. It is obvious that I am not very graceful. There are worse things. Wearing clothes that fit right is nice. Wearing clothes that are really old and I have been cleaning house in isn’t the best choice for photos. I don’t have 3 chins anymore. My down-dog isn’t awful. I can almost see a calf muscle.

This post was written on Aug 30, 2016 but I didn’t post it publically until now. It sort of throws things off a little.